A Trans Woman's Response to Trisha Paytas | Kat Blaque


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Published: 1 week ago
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#TrishaPaytas #trueteatuesday #truetea #transgender


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So to be clear, I’m reacting to one repeated reasoning I’ve been given for some people who self ID as non binary or gender fluid (yes I know these things are not the same). I said I didn’t understand it, but that doesn’t mean it’s invalid.

In short, “I’m non binary because I’m non binary” makes more sense to me than “I’m non binary because I’ve never been able to fit into my gendered expectations”. I don’t think people need to give a grand reason for being transgender and sometimes when they give that one it confuses me because I see those things as objects we gender, not the make of break part of gender. So I just simply don’t know. That doesn’t mean it’s not valid.

There are so many reasons people are non binary, I didn’t present this as the only reason.

1 week ago

I'm a dfab enby and I actually started wearing makeup and and something other than graphic tees after coming out. I'm more androgynous in my presentation now, but it is more a discomfort with the language surrounding woman than the gendered things for me. Like being called a woman felt incorrect, fundamentally. That's just me though 🍃

5 hours ago

Black Fluorite yesss I feel that!

3 days ago

I also find it very „dangerous“ when people get those ideas portrayed that being non-binary is only about not identifying with certain gender roles and all of that because yes of course that in itself is just reinforcing stereotypes .... but that‘s exactly the point I want to make that while those aspects can come into play I for example definitely identify as non-binary as I have dysphoria about very much all my „feminine“ features but also feel like if I was seen as a guy in society that that still wouldn‘t solve the problem ... I often feel like just physically looking more masculine would solve the most part of my body dysphoria I assume I would be uncomfortable in regards to social settings while being seen as a boy of man .... but I also definitely feel very dysphoric when being referred to as a girl sooo .... that is my point on the whole thing

3 days ago

🍃

8 hours ago

🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃

11 hours ago

🍃

14 hours ago

What I hear is someone who may or may not have the proper name or terminology for what they're feeling. Like they're still figuring it out..I guess it's a process and that's ok too. But I feel uncomfortable saying no...you mean this or that.

15 hours ago

Hey, I found this video really interesting. I’m non-binary, and I would say I’m non-binary because being gendered male or female is dysphoric, whereas being gendered neutrally feels good and, simply, accurate. It does feel worrying to hear how some people are describing their non-binary gender because I find I have to work really hard to get cis people - and some trans binary people - to view non-binary genders as a seperate category to male and female, instead of a kind of modifier in addition to being a man or woman.

However, I would say that trans people describing their reasoning for being trans based on things like (not) wanting to wear makeup, distress at gender roles, etc. is something I see just as much in trans men and women, as among enbies. And this isn’t a narrative created by us but one upheld by cis people. I don’t know if the process of medical transition is very different in the US, but here in the UK we get a psychiatric assessment at the NHS Gender Identity Clinics that consist of questions just like that: “What toys did you play with growing up?”, “What gender were your friends when you were a child?”. If we give the wrong answers then we can be denied our healthcare, and it’s also true that this is how dysphoria can manifest for some people before they realise they are trans. But it’s also just as true cis people can have childhoods like that.

I think when people come out as trans in these confusing ways that are kinda invalidating of what being trans or non-binary means, it’s best just to wait to see how it plays out. When I first realised I was trans, my understanding of my gender was probably also kinda cringey and I think there’s a learning curve. Also it’s worth bearing in mind that when you realise you’re non-binary, the next steps aren’t very obvious. We don’t have concept in our society of what body or what clothing non-binary people are meant to have or wear, or just how we’re meant to live our lives, so deciding what transition means to you can take longer. However, I do think the fact that these coming outs are some people’s only representation of non-binary genders is troubling.

Hearing how this increase in non-binary visibility has affected what cis people assume about you is interesting. It must be frustrating to have people assume you’re non-binary when you say you’re trans - especially since it is misgendering even if not the typical kind. It does also reflect a misunderstanding in the minds of cis people of what non-binary is: a normative-looking man or woman who “identifies” differently. Looking perfectly androgynous is really difficult but I barely know any enbies who don’t try and look non-cis in some way, in the same way that most trans women try and look feminine and most trans men try and look masculine to try and communicate their gender to others.

Just some slightly scattered thoughts after the video. I’ve been watching True Tea for a little while now (love your videos!) but this is my first comment.

17 hours ago

🍃🍃

20 hours ago

🍃

20 hours ago

Did you see her tmz interview? Or the video of her and her gay friend talking about her making a video saying she's a boy when she's in the back Efron cosplay. I think she likes gay men and is drawn to them. But I do believe this video was made as a troll video and it got out of hand.

21 hours ago

giving such a measured response and bringing up so many good points to trisha's mess... pure class

22 hours ago

🍃(that's the closer I could get) I think language is clunky, and complicated, and we don't always have the answer of "why" well thought out or planned. So we go for the opposite or the negative of what we were expected; "I wasn't this" instead of "I was this" ya know? Like, it's the same thing phrased differently. And I think it's very complicated as trans people because their is a lot of expectation around our assigned genders, and we often don't feel comfortable with those expectations, but that is more a result of our gender not matching what it was assigned, rather than the reason it doesn't. We end up explaining the symptom in order to justify the cause. If that makes sense? Like I'm Nonbinary because I am. But I could explain my body doesn't match up with how I think of it. How I've never understood the rules and expectations of the binanry genders. How I hate the discrimination I receive as a perceived woman. But those are merely symptoms of being Nonbinary in a society that expected me to be a Girl.

23 hours ago

0:39 Don't you mean, par-Trisha-Payt-ing? 😂

1 day ago

🍃

1 day ago

🍃

1 day ago

I am nonbinary. I can’t speak for other people, but for me it goes beyond performance or roles or presentation. Just as you were talking about how you know you are a woman no matter how you are presenting, I know that I am not a man or woman no matter what. When people refer to me with feminine or masculine terms it feels untrue. It would be like someone calling you Tom when your name is Steve. It’s just not me.

1 day ago

(Elegant leaves blowing in the wind emoji)
I don't want to say Paytas can't be trans, I can't see into the future or read minds. Maybe she's in the stage where she needs a proper guiding hand and information. But I also think people have every right to doubt her with her....spotty past.
Onto other topics!
As a nonbinary person, the reason I see myself as nonbinary and am comfortable with the label is that I feel it's what describes what I feel and experience best. I have never had a strong connection with my agab, I even hated it at one point. But I never identified with the "opposite" either.


However, I didn't know there were more than two options, I had no way of knowing for the longest time, so I felt stuck. Like maybe even amongst those considered outliers like folks in the LGBT+ community I was someone that didn't belong. But when I found out that there was an entire spectrum and I fit somewhere on it? It was like I finally had the option to be comfortable in my own skin. I didn't have to pick a side, and I was more than happy not to. I was astonished to find out that there were even pronouns for me (they/them) and that I definitely wasn't the only one.


TL;DR - I am nonbinary because being nonbinary makes me feel more myself than I have ever been

1 day ago

🍃

1 day ago

I watched the entire video! Here's my two leaves (haha).

I'm a genderfluid AFAB person, although my primary gender/usual presentation is male. I've been on hormones a couple years and can't really pass as anything but male without considerable effort (like I'd need feminine facial contouring and makeup isn't particularly my thing), so it is a bit disappointing for when I'm in the mood to present less male or as a girl. It's ultimately a small price to pay in the long run, though, as most of the time I prefer to be male or am male-leaning, and feel more comfortable on testosterone rather than estrogen.

I found what you described at 12:11 to be interesting. Even though I am non-binary, I found your partner's explanation of their identity to be just as confusing as you did. Personally, my sense of being NB has nothing to do with gendered expectations. In fact, in my girl moods, I can only ever envision myself as a very non-conforming masculine/butch presenting woman, to the point of near androgyny, as well as still using he/him pronouns along with she/her pronouns during said presentation. Part of the reason I actually had trouble coming to terms with being genderfluid was because I couldn't see myself being a typically feminine woman when in more female-leaning moods.

My dysphoria, like my gender, is fluid. Sometimes I get dysphoria over my bodily features feeling too feminine, other times I get dysphoria over features feeling too masculine. Sometimes I get both at the same time. Some things that can make me feel dysphoric one day (i.e. my shoulders) can make me feel euphoric the next.

That's how I came to understand I'm non-binary; dysphoria, euphoria, and how I want the world to perceive me. It had nothing to do with my interests or hobbies or not living up to a societal expectation of a certain gender. This isn't to say I think my experience or understanding of my gender is the only valid one; it most certainly isn't. But I do find it interesting how much personal understanding of one's gender is incredibly diverse.

1 day ago

🍂🍂

1 day ago

🍂
I couldn't find the emoji you showed onscreen

2 days ago

🍃

2 days ago

For me, i'm nonbinary because ever since i was a child i just didn't see myself as my assigned gender and i am most comfortable with not being binary for multiple reasons and my own mindset and just "being", a personal experience that feels clear to me in that sense. It's more like I am just acknowledging that I am nonbinary?

The way it feels is a lot more complicated and is not predicated in just stereotypes, as to me, men and women can do whatever and still be a man or a woman so it's not that. It's just "I am nonbinary" and feeling a pleasant understanding that strict statements like "i am a man" or "i am a woman" cannot provide as they feel foreign and false to me when applied to me, as well as causing social and physical discomfort + dysphoria if i try to conform to such categories in my head.

I have of course had a long time to question my own experiences and try to figure out the "why", enough to know that it's not based on thinking "oh i cant do x if i'm a man/woman". I'll dress however I want to and act however I want to within the limits of my personality, sure, but that's not the "reason" i'm nonbinary.

Its an oversimplification as I can't just pour out my gender experience in one comment all of a sudden, but I hope that makes sense?

2 days ago

🍃

2 days ago

🍃

2 days ago

4:15 to 4:44 say it louder for the people in the back!!

2 days ago

🍃 I feel that T’s harsh words about they/them pronouns indicate that T doesn’t take non-binary identities seriously.

2 days ago

leaf emoji

2 days ago

🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃

3 days ago

I feel like you've said "I don't get why Trisha is NB, because gender isn't about what you do or how you look" and then said that people like this NB person you're dating, who are NB but live a relatively binary existence day-to-day, aren't "doing enough" in their gender performance to qualify that identity, which I just...

I get where you're coming from, sort of, and I don't think you mean harm but here's my POV. I'm non-binary, but there's no fucking way for that to be quickly assumed and when I presented as obviously nonbinary I got misgendered as male. I'm DMAB. For me, it quickly became clear that while binary womanhood doesn't fit, a broader conception of womanhood does fit, so I've ended up living in my day-to-day as a woman, but my gender identity is more complicated, and I still experience social gender dysphoria when I feel like people see me as a binary woman (albeit much milder than when I was misgendered as male). Therefore it is entirely logical to me that someone (and I know a number of such people) might choose to appear superficially to be identifying with their assigned sex whilst also experiencing dysphoria when they feel hemmed into that, and that those people are, ipso facto, trans, and nonbinary. Relatedly, cis people can totally experience dysphoria when they feel like their genderedness isn't understood. Based purely on your description of her video, I'm inclined to think that might be a more accurate description of what Trish was experiencing, but if she were to hear the idea and be like "nope" then obviously that would disprove that it was true for her.


Bottom line, I think it's basically impossible to explain ones "reasons" for ones gender - that just isn't how gender works. It just /is/, and then you have to try and figure it out. So any time someone tries to explain /why/ they are or aren't a particular gender, (especially if it's a response to a question from someone more binary or more cis than them) it's 99% going to come out garbled and leaning on stereotypes that serve little more function than markers of identity - and we're back to /it just is/.

3 days ago

Kat Blaque I know. Sorry if this came across wrong. I only meant to try and understand where the confusion was coming from and I think it’s the idea that appealing to these stereotypes necessarily means that that’s what you’re really trying to express? Xx

2 days ago

I didn’t say any of that nor do I believe it. What I said was I was confused by how lack of performing gendered expectations can, on its own, define someone as not cis but that my confusion doesn’t mean their gender isn’t valid.

2 days ago

🍃

i'm a non-binary lesbian, and i feel like the best explaination i can give is that i find it hard to identify with being a woman when, to me, it feels like nearly all of traditional womanhood is defined by and around men, and having an attraction to them.

the other reason i guess is that i'm pretty indifferent to gender, and i can describe it as "i just live here" if that makes any sense.

in summary: first and foremost i am a lesbian, and beyond that it doesn't really matter to me.

3 days ago